All My Fault
by meowkoshka
Summary: One shot of the night where a second attempt is made on Senator Amidala's life in Episode II. However, Anikan discovers that the Senator is not handling the stress of her situation in the healthiest way. TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, mention of blood and wound care *I do not own Star Wars, characters, or anything. I do make a few direct quotes from the movie*
It had been years since I had seen her. Years! She barely even noticed me.

Obi Wan looked at me sternly, "Be mindful of your thoughts Anikan, they betray you. Besides she's a politician."

"Not another lecture. At least not on the economics of the politics."

"But Anik-" We both froze for a moment.

"I sense it, too." Obi-Wan said and we took off running. "Anikan! You check on the Senator, I'll alert her security team." With a nod, we split off.

I barged into her sleeping quarter and activated my light saber. Padme wasn't in her bed. "Senator!" I cried. I heard a gasp and a scramble, followed by some sniffles. It was coming from the bathroom door.

My embaressment set in. She would be in her nightgown. She's in her bathroom. What if this is nothing? I walk up and knock on the door. "Senator," I ask. "Are you alright?"

"Yes," she answered weakly. "I-I'm fine. I just slipped." I heard a few more sniffles. "Is someone in there with you?" I asked.

"No."

"Senator, for your safety, I'm going to have to open the door." I said, and before she could get a word of resistance, I pressed the button sliding open the door. With a gasp Padme's eyes met mine and I looked down at her arms.

"Please," she pleaded. "You can't tell."

In the next moment, I heard a small sawing of glass and two things slumped and then slithered across the floor. Kouhuns. "Stay back" I warned and launched myself forward slicing the two creatures in half. Just as I did, Obi Wan and some security burst into the room. I looked up at the window to see the container begin to draw away. "Someone follow that!" I began to jump, to catch on to it through the window when I heard, "Anikan! I need you!"

It was Padme. She was in the bathroom still. And her arms… Why did she need me? I look at Obi Wan and he runs and grabs hold of the container, breaking the window in the process. "Grab a speeder and follow them!" I yelled to some of the security officers. Looking at her handmaids who had come in to the room I said, "Go grab a medical kit. I will tend to the senator myself."

They looked at me disapprovingly. Padme walked out of the bathroom wearing a large robe saying, "Do as he says. I will be fine with him." The handmaids turned at once and go.

Once they are out of the room, I go to speak but she cuts me off. "Not until they come back with the kit. Check my pupils or something." I sat her down on her bed. She winced as she peeled the cloth up from her arms. They needed to get back here fast. I was looking at her eyes and asking her if her head hurts when they returned. "Thank you." Padme says. "You are dismissed."

They bowed slightly and left. As the door of her room closed and the footsteps drew further and further away, I see Padme's guard come down. Her posture slumps, and this look of exhaustion comes to her eyes. She looks to be on the verge of tears.

"Padme," I say. "I need to look at your arms." She signs and peels the robe off, wincing as the cloth of the fabric peels away from the cuts. The numerous horizontal cuts. Lining both of her arms. They told us about these in training. Self harm cuts. I never thought I would come across them. I never thought I would come across them on Padme's arms.

"I need to clean and bandage them." I say and kneel down to grab the medical kit. As I look up at Padme's face, tears begin falling from her eyes. "Oh Anikan," she begins. "I'm so sorry." I shake my head. "Padme, we need to get these clean."

Taking one of the gauze pads, I carefully dab it on the cuts, soaking up the excess blood. "Can you hold a hand on there?" I ask. While she does that, I grab the cleaning solution and soak another gauze pad into it. "Ready?" I ask. She nods and removes the gauze she was holding. "Take a deep breath." I say and I carefully wash out each cut, clearing some of the fabric that had gotten stuck, using the gauze dipped in the solution. Her arm shakes slightly, partly from the pain of the solution, the other part probably from nerves.

As I finish the first arm, I look up at her. "You ok?" She nods, her bottom lip quivering slightly. She was fighting tears. "Almost through the worst of it." I assure her and grab another dry gauze pad. I use the second to soak up the moisture of blood and solution in each cut. I apply some ointment to each and place a large gauze pad over her forearm and wrap a bandage around it, securing it with some pins. I repeat the process on her other arm.

As I clean each cut, I think. What could bring her to this? My sweet Padme.

I couldn't let my thoughts linger for too long. I had to tend to the Senators needs. I dry off and bandage her second arm.

"Okay," I say closing up the medical kit. "All patched up." I give Padme an encouraging smile. As I look into her eyes, I see the heartbreak. "Why Padme?" Her bottom lip quivers more as she continues to fight tears. I catch one falling down her cheek on my finger. "Its okay to cry, Padme,"

With that gentle prod the tears pour and she places her head in her hands. "Its all my fault," she begins and falls into my chest. I sit her on the floor next to me and I wrap my arms around her saying, "No Padme. You can't hold yourself responsible."

She turns to look at me for a moment and shakes her heads before sinking back into my chest. "So many people have suffered because of my resistance to the Trade Federation and the Separtist Movement. I'm just a measly Senator. I don't matter that much, and yet all these people are dying for me! Just hours ago, I lost Sabe and numerous attendants. All because of me."

"Padme," I whisper as I lift her head up to look at me. Even at her worst, she was so beautiful. "You do matter that much. You're work in the Senate is amazing. You aren't just a politician. You're important to the Galaxy! You can bring peace!"

"But all that death." She whispered so quietly I could barely hear it. "All that death." She shuddered as more silent tears poured out of her eyes. I grabbed one of the blankets from her bed and wrapped her in it before cradling her once more into my chest. I just held her in my arms, rocking her back and forth, when she shook from the tears I held her tighter, so she knew she was safe and loved, and I hummed a tune my mother would sing to me when I was upset.

Her breathing slowly came back to normal and I could sense that she was getting tired after all of that crying. I let go of her and gave her breath a chance to calm before I helped her back into her bed.

"Padme," I began, sitting on the bed next to her. "You're strong. Your people believe in you. I believe in you. But you cannot hurt yourself like that again. It doesn't do any good. You need to handle all this stress and pain, but not like that. Okay?"

She smiled. "Wow Ani," she said. "You really have grown up." I chuckled to myself before looking at her seriously again. "What's our plan going to be?"

"Honestly Anikan," she sighed. "I don't know. All I do know is that this can't get out."

I thought for a moment. "What if I leave Artoo with you for the night? I'll talk to Obi-Wan and together we can come up with a plan in the morning. How does that sound?" Padme nodded.

"You can trust us, Padme," I said walking to her bedroom door. "Goodnight. May the force be with you."

Padme gave me a faint smile and snuggled deep under her covers. I shut her lamp, called Artoo in, and looked at her for a moment before closing the door.


End file.
